


Thinking of You

by hikachuuu



Category: Jrock, vistlip
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance, Slight One Sidedness, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikachuuu/pseuds/hikachuuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had never felt more disgusted with himself than he did at that moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking of You

 

 

  
_"Comparisons are easily done_  
 _Once you've had a taste of perfection_  
 _Like an apple hanging from a tree_  
 _I picked the ripest one_  
 _I still got the seed"_

_i._

Raindrops slid down the window that he was leaning against, with a cold cup of tea in his hands. How long had it been since he heard the news? Four months, right? Yes, every waking moment was painful. He remembered getting the call about the accident Rui had on the fishing boat with his family he was visiting. People had been injured, but he had died instantly according to doctors. They said his injuries included a fractured skull and broken neck, the shock of the impact did it.

Sighing he thought of Rui more, he was so perfect in every way. Those lips...his kisses...everything. Never had he been so in love with someone. To Yuh, Rui was that definition of perfection and he couldn't look at anyone else the way he did Rui. With the utmost admiration and pure love in his eyes. How could love again after finding what had been perfect?

Looking at his phone he opened it up to the last message Rui had sent him.

_'Don't worry, I'll be fine, but if I'm not, remember there's always cats to keep you company~. Haha, love you, see you soon.'_

_ii._

Looking over at the couch he saw Umi laying there reading. He couldn't help but give a bitter smile, the irony of it all...ending up with another bandmate. Then again Umi had been there when he was told the news, through those first few days that were nothing but pain. When Yuh himself had lost all the will to live he overdosed and was found on the kitchen floor laying in a pool of vodka and half dissolved pills semi-concious. He was there when Yuh woke up in the hospital bed, when he threw a fit saying "why, why, I just wanted to _die_ , I want to be with him" taking the light hits from Yuh's frail hands against his chest. It was that day he remembered Umi confessing he had been in love with him all along and seeing Yuh like that was killing him and Yuh broke down in his arms.  
They'd been together since, but Yuh...Yuh loved him...but he wasn't _in_ love with him.  
  
He was trying, he really was trying to love Umi back as much as he could. Getting up he made his way to the kitchen, dumping the cold tea into the sink he rinsed the cup out. Resting his hands on the counter, he sighed staring down into the sink focusing on nothing. His mind traveled off and away, he became highly unaware of his surroundings. Arms worked their way around his thin waist, catching him by surprise. Turning around in the loose embrace he stared up at Umi, he was looking down with a soft smile and Yuh who in return gave his own sort of half smile.  
  
It started out with a soft kiss, however Yuh could only taste Rui, cigarette smoke mixed with his favourite gum, and a unique taste that was strictly Rui. It become more and Yuh was slow sucked into all that was Umi. Losing himself in the temporary bliss that Umi offered. Tender kisses placed along his body, little love bites scattered about the pale skin. He let go of all his pain and let Umi pull him in more and more.

_iii._

Sun filtered in through the window, a strong arm around his waist protectively. Sitting up he felt a rise of bile rise to his throat as he thought of how he let himself be succumb to that, _again_. How he let someone else mark his body up in ways he had only let Rui do before. He had never felt more disgusted with himself than he did at that moment.

He hated himself how during such fleeting moments he could let Rui go. Every time he slept with Umi and let that temporary bliss make him completely let go of Rui left him ill with regret. Suddenly the arm around his waist felt like a hot iron, pulling the arm from his waist he stumbled along to the bathroom. Spilling all contents from his stomach until it was nothing but dry heaving. Tears burning in his eyes, he wrapped himself up in a bathrobe and sunk to the floor.

_iv._

Completely losing himself to the blackness of his mind he didn't notice Umi coming nor feel himself being pulled into the strong arms. He could only think of Rui. Rui. _Rui_. What Rui would do if he was with him. How he would pull him into arms and kiss his butterfly tattoo and mutter pointless little things. He wasn't in Umi's arms right now, right now he was in Rui's. It was Rui telling him it was going to be okay, to relax, to breathe, to take his time to get over _him_. That he was gone and that he wanted Yuh to be happy, not constantly grieving.

He only wished it was all a bad dream and he would be woken up by Rui tromping in loudly through the door waking him up like he usually did. Wishing desperately that he would wake up and look into Rui's eyes and see him smile and watch those eyes light up with promises of love and happiness. He loved those eyes and in his mind that's where he would be...

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LiveJournal about July/August 2013 and edited slightly to where there is only lyrics at the beginning.


End file.
